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Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.–Madison...

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The Don Draper Costume, for Instance.

Older musician in nice suit: It's Halloween! Hell, every day is a Halloween!Friend: That explains a lot about you.–Washington Square ParkOverheard by: stavka

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Whether You Find This Cute or Pathetic Says a Lot About You As a Person

Hair-twirling woman: I did actually put sex on the calendar, because it's only been four months. That's not long enough for us to stop having sex yet! And I put it on his iPhone, so it popped up a...

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It Rubs the Wednesday on Its Skin, or Else It Gets the One-Liners Again

Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the handcuffs.–Barnes & Noble, Union SquareOverheard by: argonautNeighbor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeahhhhh, I'm a bad boy. You wanna spank...

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A NY Story with a Midwest Conclusion

Hobo: Sorry to interrupt, but I’m starving. Please help me to get some candy and a soda. Chick: How about a perfectly good pear? You know, if you’re so hungry. The hobo walks away angry and disgusted;...

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Actually, I Think We Got the Idea…

Stylish woman: Oh my god! This corn flan is amazing. It’s corn…but it’s flan…I can’t even begin to describe it. –North Square, Waverly Place Overheard by: Christine M.

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DIE HACK DIE

Stand-up “Comic”: So did you all hear this? Hitler was gay, apparently. Heckler: No, Hitler was Jewish! –Comedy Cellar, MacDougal Street Overheard by: Chris

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Stupid Answers to Snappy Questions

Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

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Those Wacky Republicans

Chick: He’s like an ultraconservative and he was watching Bush’s speech and yelling and saying “You guys don’t know what’s going on!”. It was crazy. –Washington Square Park

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New York is not America

Guy on cell: Yeah, our lives suck but at least John Kerry was elected President. Oh, wait! I have to hang up now and go kill myself. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Alice Ayers

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Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away...

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It’s Not the Size of His Knife, It’s How He Uses It

Tall girl: Louis XIV? They’re a bunch of rapists. Short girl: So? Tall girl: So you shouldn’t listen to the music of rapists! Short girl: I like rapists! Rapists are the best! –Washington Square Park...

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He’s Got No Teeth — What’s the Worst That Could Happen?

Mom about baby crying in stroller: Ugh, I gotta go feed him.Friend: You want me to do it?Mom: Um, I breastfeed.Friend: I could give it a whirl.–Washington Square Park

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You're Scaring Jean-Luc

Excited bro #1: Dude! There it is! There's the dog I was talking about!Excited bro #2: You were right! It's so big! It's like a horse! I want to sit on it!Man with Great Dane: Stop following...

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Um, Guys, That’s a Stoner in a Bathrobe

Orthodox man #1, seeing man walk by dressed as Jesus: Jesus! [He and his posse begin to chase Jesus.]Orthodox man #2: You are not the son of God!–Washington Square Park

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If You Give Them Too Much Attention, the Terrorists Win

Girlfriend, pointing at the base of a tree: Look! Look! There’s a rat and a squirrel fighting!Boyfriend: No!Girlfriend: Yes there is! Look! There’s a fucking rat attacking that squirrel!Boyfriend:...

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Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?–Chambers &and West BroadwayGirl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.–W 46th AveBum: Excuse me! Hey, hey!...

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He’s Tricky with That Reverse Psychology

Hobo: How are you doin’? Do you need some money? You need a dollar or two? Woman: No thanks, I’m okay. Hobo: Okay, god bless you. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Lisa

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Television is Always the Best Answer

Guy: What do you give a baby who is blind and deaf? Girl: Television? Guy: Cancer…Television’s a better answer. –Washington Square South Overheard by: Elizabeth Benefiel

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You Can’t Smoke It, Though

Idiot girl #1: Cloves taste so good!Idiot guy: Yeah, I hear they are toasted or something.Idiot girl #2: Oh, I love toast!–33 Washington Square West

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